A CRISIS CORE CAROL
by NoBuddy
Summary: Alright folks, disregard the title, this is DEADLY serious. Tis the true account of what happened in Crisis Core and Squeenix didn’t want to tell us. But I have my sources. Yep. This is it. Beware and behold!


**A/N: Duh, I know Christmas is gone already, I guess I just waited with this to see what brings to me. Cos this... thing was written as an entry for the Christmas contest of Genesis' xRedLeatherx club on deviantArt and won me the second place, just so you know. First place – my friend Glaurung-II's "Vanilla". Go check it!**

**DISCLAIMER: Short version: me – zippity-zip; them, whoever they are – the whole rest. Long version: Squeenix owns the FF7 stuff, while a whole bunch of other happy owners protected by armies of happy lawyers own all the movies and songs mentioned in the titles. As for me... /turns pockets inside out with a resigned look/: I own zip, nada, nothing, niente... /goes away mumbling/: how do they say ‚nothing' in Japanese?... /puts her goggles and googles it/: Hah! Something like ‚betsuni'. Ok then, /turns towards Squeenix/: Me – FF7 – **_**betsuni**_**.**

**Uh, there's more or less a line from Happy Feet too, just so you know. Which I don't own either. Oh and, by the way, I used silenttweak's translation for the incidental canon lines from CC. Hi there, silenttweak! (**_**waves hand cheerfully at poor oblivious guy who has no idea how I messed his work**_**) For the rest, it's just the canon Crisis Core... finally delivered to you eeexactly as it happened in reality! Heh...**

**Music listened in the making of this: Status Quo – "It's Christmas time". Go listen to it! This march made it hard for me to sit on my chair and still write instead of hopping all around… Duh, on with the show already!**

****A CRISIS CORE CAROL****

**PART 1 – GONE IN 60 SECONDS**

„Where is Angeal?", Sephiroth asked sternly, piercing Zack with his icy emerald eyes.

„Oh how I love it when he does that!", Genesis sniggered in Angeal's ear while peering through a bush at the two talking a few feet away. „Most of the soldiers almost wet themselves when dear ole Seph gives them that Glare of his."

„Hah, don't I know that already?", Angeal chuckled, crowded with his friend behind the large bush. „Say, did this ever happen to you too?"

Genesis rolled his eyes and smacked him over the back of his head.

„Wouldn't tell ya even if it did, now would I? After all, what are the leather pants for?"

„To make sure the guys won't notice if you pee your pants out of fear in battle!", they recited together, grinning insanely at each other, then turned to listen again to the other pair:

„Angeal has also betrayed us", Sephiroth was just saying.

„That's impossible!", Zack snarled. „I know Angeal very well! He's not the type of person who would do something like that! He would NEVER betray us! Never!"

„That dear ole Stiffroth!", Genesis chuckled. „Betrayal, what big words! And hear your puppy too, if this doesn't bring tears in my eyes!", he whispered mockingly in Angeal's ear again. „Alright, Seph's gone, can we finally get the heck out of here now? I feel a whole bunch of bugs crawling all over me."

Angeal nodded solemnly and got up, making sure Zack had gone too.

„Come on, we have loads of work to do," he urged. „Better be gone in sixty seconds from here before this place crawls with soldiers for your little stunt with those two clones."

Genesis giggled and got up too, almost tripping on a bottle that lay on the ground at the foot of the bush.

„Hey, what's this?" he inquired, bending to lift it and taking a sniff at it with a frown, then arching an eyebrow at his friend. „Eggnogg? Isn't it a bit early for this?"

Angeal coughed embarrassedly and extended his hand to retrieve the bottle:

„Uh, Mom sent it to me."

„And you were going to drink it all by yourself, huh? You twit! I'll keep this.", Genesis grumbled and took a healthy swig from the bottle. „Mmmm, not bad! She always does the best eggnogg, really!"

In a few moments they both got lost in the distance, holding each other by the shoulders and drinking from the bottle in turns, with Genesis still rambling:

„Did you see your puppy fighting my summon? He's such a lost cause, I don't even get it why you bothered with him in the first place! You think there's any chance for Zacky-the-puppy to ever learn that fighting like a SOLDIER 1st Class requires a higher state of mind, not just waving around some big sword, jumping like a drunk flea and deafening people with „TOYRAAAA!" „IRASSHAIMASSEEEE!" and stuff? I mean if a good yell was enough to bring your enemies down, his would be all dead before even starting the fight. But what do you know, it just doesn't work that way..."

**PART 2 – BATMAN, THE ORIGINS**

„_The mysterious abyss tis the Gift of the Goddess  
In pursuit of this gift we take flight.  
Within the heart's water surface a hopeless wander will flow  
Like ripples to waves come forth the dreams below."_

Genesis scratched his head, unnerved, and hit the floor with the book.

„Damn that Bugenhaggen crook! Why did he say this pathetic Loveless babble contains the hidden recipe for the perfect apple pie? I'm gonna kill that old bastard the very next time I get to see him!"

Then he took the ruffled book again and stared hopelessly at the page:

"The mysterious abyss...", he mumbled in confusion, „what the heck is this supposed to mean, does it refer to the oven by any chance?... Hummm... ‚In pursuit of this gift we take flight'... Heck, does that mean I have to rush the pie to the oven? Provided that the damn thing speaks about the oven in the first place! And this: 'Within the heart's water surface a hopeless wander will flow'... say, this resembles the pound cake recipe, you make a hole in the middle of the flour and pour water in it. But I thought... ooooooh, Goddess, DAMN THIS!", and he smacked the floor with the book again in sheer frustration.

Rushed steps could be heard approaching. Genesis took the book and hid it hastily in his coat's inside pocket.

„Rats, it's the noisy puppy!", he grumbled. „Hey, what's with the thumping? I'm trying to do some thinking here, ya know!"

Tseng showed up too, following Zack shortly.

„I searched the grave at your house," he snarled. „Others of our staff were here to do an investigation but it seems they've been killed."

Genesis huffed menacingly.

„Threatening me? That should serve them well, those booze-gaps, everyone knows the Banora juice is dangerous when you try to mix it with vodka!"

„Shouldn't it be obvious?" Zack jumped. „At least you could have let your parents live."

Genesis stood up, this time looking really mad.

„That," he growled, „has nothing to do with it. Those two have never stopped drinking their brains ever since I came back to that house. Damn Gillian's eggnogg!"

Zack stopped and beamed up, eyes glittering:

„What? She's got eggnogg? Why didn't you say so, man?"

And he turned hastily on one heel, preparing to make a run for it.

„Oh boy, Tsengy, an early Yuletide drinking spreeeeeee!"

Behind him, Genesis and Tseng threw each other meaningful looks, rolling their fingers around the ears.

„Care to join us with this, Tseng?" Genesis finally asked. „We have some stuff to move to Midgar. Ya know, wire rolls, some boxes of lightbulbs, rockets and fireworks, the usual. Your chopper would come in handy for this. Whaddya say?"

„For...?"

„Yep. Eh?"

„You mean you really..."

„Uh-huh."

And the tree..."

„Modeoheim or Nibelheim, dunno yet."

„And Sephiroth..."

„Nope. Sadly."

„Uh, too bad! He'd have been such a valuable addition! Y'know, with him you wouldn't have only those few thousands following you, it'd be the whole army instead. Plus he can drink even my Turks under the table, be it eggnogg or anything else. But still... What about Hojo...?"

"Hah! You kidding? So NOT on the list!"

Tseng scratched his chin, meditatively.

"Humm, fifty percent of the booze for us Turks and we're in this, body and soul! Deal?"

Genesis gave him his insane ear-to-ear grin and they shook hands, satisfied:

„DEAL!"

* * *

Zack stepped back, horrified by the view. Gillian lay on the floor, looking dead to the world, while Angeal stood a few steps back, next to the wall, sword in hand, with a deep frown on his petrified face.

„What's the meaning of this?" Zack howled, grabbing his mentor by the shirt and sending him reeling outside with a punch. „Is this... is this supposed to be your friggin pride?"

„Oh shut your mouth up, noisy puppy," Genesis showed up leaning on the doorframe and throwing just a bored glance towards the fallen woman. „Bah, obviously she just had too much eggnogg, that's all. Tomorrow she'll be just fine... once she gets over that nasty hangover, that is..."

Zack tried to make a dash at Angeal, but Genesis' leg stretched swiftly and tripped him with an expert movement. The dirty tricks practiced on poor Sephiroth in their spars surely paid now!

Angeal gathered himself from the ground and put the sword back on his back.

„Awww, my friend," Genesis inquired, „will you fly away now? And leave me all by myself with that whole bunch of wire rolls to handle?"

Then he turned to Zack and threw him an appreciative look:

„Hmm, Angeal's gone, Sephiroth's not here of course... I wonder, are you game?..."

A jet-black wing emerged almost instantly from his left shoulder, with a loud snap. Zack jumped back startled, almost falling on his butt.

„Hey, what's this?", he yelled. „Who do you think you are, Batman? Where the heck has your SOLDIER pride gone?"

Genesis threw him a disgusted look over the shoulder.

„Alright puppy, here's the deal: there's a huge pile of wire rolls in that barn. You be a good SOLDIER full of honor and pride and carry them ON FOOT to Tseng's chopper while I, like the monster I am, will fly with the rest of the stuff like that Batman guy. Okay?"

These said, he took off and got lost up in the sky in a jiffy, leaving Zack slumping under the burden of both his pride and the heavy stuff.

Somewhere, a rotten dumbapple fell off a branch with a mocking sound in the withering southern heat.

**PART 3 – MEN IN BLACK (mostly, eh...)**

Director Lazard turned his rotating chair and regarded Zack with a cool look.

„Congratulations! Starting from today, you are now a Soldier 1st Class."

Zack scratched his head, shuffling his feet.

„Umm, I heard the 1st Class have some privileges. Do we get free booze among other things?"

„Nope."

„Ugh! Then I don't feel happy one bit."

„Oh well, life sucks, what can we do! Look, I know this is a bit sudden, but I have a favour to ask you."

Zack sighed, slumping a bit.

„Planning on putting me on another mission, when my back still hurts after working like a slave for that evil Genesis?" he whined.

Sephiroth smirked under his bangs.

„Sorry, heh!"

„Well, the company has decided that Genesis and Angeal be stoned with apples on sight.", Lazard announced, standing up with a solemn face.

Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

„Those two don't need your stupid apples if they wanna get stoned, that's one sure thing!", he muttered undertone.

„Excuse me, General, sir?"

„Uh, nothing! Nothing at all."

„So you're asking me to do that?" Zack gaped at Lazard incredulously.

„Nope. The ShinRa army will. We know you've always aimed lousy.", Lazard sniggered.

„Then I'll be..."

„They don't seem to trust you with it, be you the last one standing!"

„That's why I will also be going." Sephiroth stated.

Zack threw him a long, piercing look.

„To throw apples at them?"

Sephiroth shook his head in disbelief.

„How the heck could this one enter Soldier in the first place?" he wondered, while the alarm began to resound all over the place, red lights blinking everywhere.

„We have intruders!" Lazard barked.

„Where?" Zack rolled on his heels, looking around.

Lazard smacked his face in exasperation.

„Where did you think? In your mother's jungle hut? HERE, of course!"

* * *

„Oy, that chick's in trouble!", Zack yelled, hurrying towards a slender girl with auburn hair that seemingly was attacked by two of that dreadful Genesis' clones.

An EMR blocked his way.

„Sector 8 is the Turk's turf, yo!", a redhead called coolly, patting his shoulder with said EMR. „You gotta stretch your lighting stuff elsewhere."

And he pointed his stick at Zack again, looking all business. Zack tried to turn around, but another dark blue suit showed up right behind him, out of nowhere: a tall bald guy with lots of button earrings and a pair of black shades on his impassive face. After a moment, Tseng completed the triangle surrounding Zack.

„Stretch my stuff? What stuff? Hey, this isn't the time for such crap! Tseng, say something, will ya!" Zack urged.

There's no reason to worry about her," the dark-skinned baldie uttered. She's just bantering with those clones over who's gonna get to install more fireworks, that's all!"

„Eh?", Zack gaped. Obviously the banter was already over, as the two clones lay senseless on the ground.

„All this over installing some fireworks and street lights? Sheesh, what happened to team work?", he wondered with a stunned look.

„How are the other areas?", Tseng inquired, disregarding him.

„Monsters are crawling all over Midgar getting on with the job," the redhead shrugged. „Everything will be all set in good time, yo!"

„Even SOLDIER are on the move," the bald man added.

Tseng rubbed his chin, looking thoughtful.

„Hmmm, so maybe Sephiroth, still...? Reno! Rude!"

„Yeah, I got it!" the redhead huffed.

„Take care of it. I want all the wires set in place tonight."

„Understood, yo!"

And they ran up the stairs to the next level.

„So even Turks are on the job, huh?", Zack mused, while Tseng gave him a piercing look to see how much he had caught on the thing.

Zack's phone rang suddenly.

„Once you're done – uh... – ‚cleaning up' in Sector 8, come to the Sector 5 mako reactor," Sephiroth's voice demanded. „There's information that Angeal's been sighted."

„Are you going to... do that apple-throwing thing when you find him?", Zack blurted.

„The army is on the move but it seems we have some time. We must find him before they do."

„And what are you going to do?", Zack howled in the phone, making poor Sephiroth take the device off his ear and keep it at arm's length. When he was sure the howl had ceased, he placed it back and grumbled:

„What can I possibly do? I will try to aim as lousy as you, OF COURSE!

„Seriously? You're the best, man!", Zack howled again, making the poor General bang his head on the metal wall right beside him.

* * *

Zack slumped with a sigh of exhaustion, while Sephiroth kept reading:

„These things here are papers on Hollander's research," he said, browsing through them further on. „It says they ended up with a burnt pie, which would mean they still haven't found the perfect Yuletide recipe."

„Se-Sephiroth!", Hollander stuttered, climbing down the stairs hesitantly.

„Hollander! So you were here after all.", Sephiroth grunted.

„Well, who do you think will stop Genesis and Angeal from spoiling that Yuletide cake again?", the older man huffed.

Genesis let himself swoon from the ceiling and landed between Hollander and Sephiroth, pointing his sword at the silver-haired man.

„As bad a cook as he is, I will not hand over Hollander!", Genesis stated with a determined look.

Sephiroth let out a deep sigh.

„Zack, go after that cake terminator!"

They both watched the porcupine-headed Soldier chasing the chubby scientist, pounding up the stairs.

„My money's on the puppy this time," Sephiroth mused, rubbing his chin.

„Don't rush!", Genesis grinned. „There's Angeal too outside."

„Oh boy," Sephiroth gave himself a smack on the face. „Good thing I didn't bet for real then, I'm kinda broke already."

Genesis peered at him inquisitively:

„Umm... too many presents bought for Yuletide?"

Sephiroth coughed, pretending to have missed the question.

„Say, what are you going to do this year, Gen? Throw brick-burnt cakes at the President?"

„Hmpf. _The three friends are now gathered_," the redhead declaimed. „_One becomes the prisoner, like a raisin in a cake. One will take flight, like the powdered sugar floating over the cake's surface. The last remaining friend becomes the one with the eggs."_

Sephiroth's shoulders slumped hopelessly.

„Still searching for the ancient recipe encripted in Loveless, are you? You haven't changed one bit."

„_If this were a play, would I be the one with the eggs, or would you?"_

Sephiroth facepalmed himself.

„Here we go again...", he mumbled dejectedly. „Look," he turned to Genesis stretching his hand, „you can take the whole damn box of eggs if you want to! Black chocobo eggs! Golden chocobo eggs! Whichever you may desire, just get the heck over this and let's go outside and find Angeal now, okay?" and he strode determinatedly to the exit.

Genesis cast a long glance at him and flashed his devious grin:

„Umm... oh-kayyy!"

Then followed him, dancing on tip-toes and sing-songing:

„_I got them, I got them, you want them, I got them!"_

Outside, Angeal was standing on the edge of a large hole, hands on his hips, looking down with a preoccupied mien. A large pair of white wings hung on his right side, feathers blowing all over the place.

„Oh boy, things seem to have heaten up here!", Genesis muttered, twitching his eyebrows. Then he asked loudly:

„Hey Angii, where's your puppy?"

Angeal frowned, scratching his head in confusion.

„Hmpf, dunno, somewhere down the slums, I suppose."

„How come?"

The raven-haired man shrugged.

„Oh well, I guess they just don't make the floors like they used to, these days."

Genesis sniggered and lay down on the metallic platform to look into the hole.

„Hey!", he cried in astonishment, „If that isn't Aerith's church down there! Look, I can even see her, she was sunbathing and your twit fell right beside her! She was topless, for Goddess' sake, good thing he seems to be still unconscious!"

Sephiroth stretched his neck and came to lie right next to Genesis.

„Oh boy, I gotta see this!" he exclaimed eagerly.

„No way!", Genesis growled menacingly, shoving him aside. „That's MY girlfriend, you pervert, no one but me gets to see her like this! You just come closer and you'll get a pair of black shades and a white walking stick for Yuletide this year!"

Sephiroth drew back, sullenly.

„What's the big deal?" he pouted. „It's not like I was going to touch her too! Better see what you do with the puppy, I can hear him groaning from here, he's probably waking up."

Genesis looked hastily into the hole.

„Geez, what do we do now?" he wondered, brushing one gloved hand through his ruffled mane. „She looks petrified with stun, she won't move!"

Sephiroth looked around and handed him a brick with a hopeful mien.

„Is this good enough?"

„He-ey!", Angeal lunged to grab the thing. „Don't you dare kill my puppy just like that! I didn't lose all this time to civilize him just to see him ending up like this!"

„Right," Genesis giggled, „better choked with one of our unrivalled Yuletide pies! Wait, I got the perfect thing!", he muttered and produced a Banora apple from one of his pockets.

Taking advantage that his attention was directed downwards, both his friends crawled closer to peer over the edge, more at the girl than at Zack, while Genesis estimated the angle and the distance and balanced his arm with the dumbapple over the hole's border, then just sent it down with an expert flick of his wrist. The purple cannonball split the air at lightning speed and hit the drowsy spiky-haired Soldier right in the middle of his forehead, sending him back to sleep, dead to the world.

„BULLSEYE!", all three friends cheered, exchanging fives, completely forgetting the poor topless girl who was finally putting on her dress hastily, somewhere below.

„Ok now, Seph," Angeal finally cleared his throat, „we really have to talk to you, it's now or never!"

The General watched him quizzically and Angeal finally began to tell him the whole story:

„Well, thing is..."

RRRIIIIINNNGGGGGGG!

Sephiroth rolled his eyes in exasperation and pulled out the phone.

„What's the matter, Rufus?", he barked hastily. „WHAT? The fatass wants me to... what? Come and wash him on the back? Not unless I can use a barbwire brush and some sulphuric acid! Yeah, you can tell that to his face alright! Add a pile of my compliments to it!", and he snapped his phone shut with a sound like a gunshot, cursing out loud.

The phone rang again almost instantly.

„What now, Ruckus-boy?" Sephiroth growled, unnerved. „Scarlett did... what? Alright, NOW I'm coming! And it'd better be true, or I'll throw you both out the nearest window!"

The gunshot again, then he grumbled, looking really pissed off:

„Gotta go back to HQ. I'm afraid we'll have to continue this discussion later, it seems Scarlett has managed to blow up the cafeteria while testing some of her new shit there."

And off he went.

Angeal and Genesis watched each other in silence for a few moments, then Genesis voiced what they both thought, obviously:

"Duh, what's the big problem? I mean it's not as if they ever served food FOR REAL there, is it?..."

**PART 4 – DR. HO  
(ahem, I meant „DR. NO"...)**

„Speak of the devil," dr. Hojo shrieked seemingly unmoved, as Genesis regarded him threateningly, sword pointed at him.

„Is this Hollander's order? Do you really think if you follow Hollander you'll finally find the long lost perfect Yuletide recipe? How sad, truly how sad!"

And he started to laugh mockingly, as Zack came seemingly to rescue him, messing things up as usually.

„No second-rate scientist can find the magic recipe!"

„Stop losing time here, Genesis!", Angeal shouted. „You know it's pointless and we're behind the schedule already!"

Then he drew closer and bent to whisper in Genesis' ear, making sure his puppy won't hear a thing:

„Besides, seemingly Seph will take care of His Greasiness' present this year, I think I saw him in a corner plotting with Scarlett..."

Genesis smirked deviously:

„_It is your fate!_", he quoted, „_From the Goddess' bow, the fated arrow is released._"

„Well," Hojo meowed, „isn't this quite the sight! Hollander's monsters are now gathered."

„Loveless, act 4," Genesis winked, then whispered: „Let's see if he really knows nothing of this. Just in case, ya know!"

„Ah, yes, the scene where the best friends, the egg and the flour, duel each other. An epic story from a long time ago."

All three Soldiers pricked up their ears, listening attentively.

„I've read all the research materials on it," Hojo went on, „but it's worthless."

„Was there an end to the recipe?" Angeal inquired.

„Unknown," the scientist waved his hand, dismissively. The last act is missing, even till today it hasn't been found. I guess we'll just never know the last secret ingredient and how hot the oven has to be for the pie to be perfectly baked," he shrugged.

Genesis strode by him determinatedly.

„There IS an end.", he stated, sure of himself.

And he gathered the magic in his hand, a great Fira ball hovering in the cup of his palm.

„I'll show you just how hot the oven has to be!", he threatened and threw the Fira towards the outside wall, blowing a huge hole in it.

„The secret ingredient... What meaning do you think the Goddess' gift has for us?", he asked, then just flew away through the hole.

**PART 5 – BURNING BRIDGES  
(yeah, I know it's not a movie, it's a song of Status Quo, eh!)**

_I'll present you the short version, cos Yuletide's coming and we're running out of time, folks and kids:_

In the Modeoheim hideout, Genesis advanced on the metal grid of the footbridge, step by step, his sword aiming at Hollander's neck.

„What are you doing?", the scientist gasped. „You need me. Without me who do you think will finally help you to get that Yuletide desert done?"

As the elevator reached that floor, the puppy lunged at once to stop Genesis from killing the frightened old man.

„Yo momma's jellys," he heard the answer, while he tried to block Genesis' sword with his own.

... Huh?...

Hollander tried to hide behind him.

„You don't even know where yo momma's jellys are stored!", he choked trying to catch his breath.

What jellys?", Genesis stared at him as if he were some lunatic, „what are you talking about, you crazy maniac? I said ‚Jenova's cells', not ‚my momma's jellys'! My momma's dead, you idiot!"

He lowered his sword with a meditative look, rubbing his chin with the other hand, which just allowed the exhausted puppy to fall on the metal bridge with a muffled thump, looking all drained.

„I heard ‚yo momma's jellys' too," he almost sobbed from the floor.

„Hmpf... my momma's jellys, huh? If this doesn't give me all kinds of ideas...", Genesis mused.

And he walked casually to the rail, mounting it with one leg.

„Uh, got some stuff to saw, before the forest guards are here. See you around, guys!"

These said, he let himself fall into the darkness, much to the puppy's distress.

**PART 6 – ARMAGEDDON  
(Alright, alright! Finally, the Nibelheim mess...)**

Sephiroth gazed at Genesis with a lost mien.

„Am I a monster too?", he whispered in despair. „Who am I after all?"

And Genesis told him everything. The whole terrifying truth, the terrible projects, the cursed creation of the monsters, the alien's cells, their birth. Everything.

A long moment of silence stretched, seemingly, over a whole era of loneliness and pain. It seemed as if unseen choirs of angels wept over their heads, stretching spectral hands to soothe all that sorrow floating almost palpable in the shadowed, tainted air.

Then a howl of pain and rage split the silence like a blade:

„WHAAAAT? WHAT THE HELL? ! ?", Sepiroth shouted deafeningly, at the top of his mako-enhanced lungs.

Hidden in an entrance behind a large pipe, Angeal facepalmed himself in exasperation. Did he go all the way with that and even went so far as to play dead to the world and his puppy just to end up there, listening to those two hot-heads jumping at each other's throats all over again? Why not just going straight to them and smacking their heads together until they cracked like pumpkins, for Goddess' sake?...

He watched them from his hide, while Sephiroth towered over Genesis and howled loud enough to awaken the dead – well, except for his puppy of course, who had just been sent to sleep by another one of Gen's powerful Firas:

„And everything just for THIS? You mean you kept me away from everything and shut me down for months on end just for this stupid crap about monsters and aliens and Shiva only knows what else? For THIS?"

„Umm... yes?" Genesis shrugged, raising his hand to take a bite from a dumbapple he had gotten out of his pocket.

„Gimme that!", Sephiroth snarled and, snatching the apple from Genesis' hand, bit almost half of it at once. „Well," he grumbled, munching at the apple and spitting seeds all over the place, „for all I care, that Jenova thingy can kiss my big fat General... WHAT NOW?"

And he threw away the rest of the apple, almost hitting Angeal in the face with it and bent hastily towards Genesis, who had suddenly doubled over, seemingly in pain.

„Genesis, are you okay?"

The redhead just hiccupped helplessly and wiped his eyes with one hand, clutching at his abdomen with the other:

„Yep, I'm fine pal, just splitting my sides with laugh, that's all!... Oh boy, and stupid me thinking you were going to end up whining "Love Me Tender" or something to that bluish sack of tentacles!" and he straightened back and leaned against Sephiroth's shoulder, still shaken by a fit of uncontrollable giggles and looking so relieved as if the whole world's burden had just been lifted from his own shoulders right there and then.

Angeal let out a sigh of relief too and just slid along the pipe until he sat down on the metal floor. Finally some nice shiny dot of hope on the horizon! Unbelievably, Seph hadn't killed Gen already…

„Sooo... are we in business then?" Genesis could be heard testing Sephiroth in the other room.

„Bah, you can bet your ugly boots we are! Oh boy, Shinra's gonna have the biggest surprise of his pathetic life! I can't wait to see that on his face, mwahahahaaa!"

„Hey!"

„What?"

„My boots aren't ugly! They're way nicer than yours, ya know!"

„Are not!"

„Are too!"

„Are not!"

„Are too!"

„Are not a thousand times!"

„Are too forever!"

Angeal groaned in despair and fell flat on the floor with a loud bang. „What the heck," he thought, "NoBuddy got the title wrong this time, this is not the „Armageddon", this is downright the „Planet of the apes"!..."

**EPILOGUE SET 1 – CRISIS... REVOLUTIONS  
(MATRIX, whatever...)**

„Genesis, what's the matter with you? Your hair seems to have grown white! You're not... aging or something, are you?"

Genesis gave Sephiroth his shiniest grin.

„Heck, nope, of course not, heh-heh! Whaddya think, does it become me? I was just wondering lately how it would look to wear my hair with strips. It's fashionable, ya know!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

„What? Don't like it? Silver looks smashing on you, why not on me too? And besides, I was kinda preparing for the... you know... the big role!", he whispered mysteriously, twitching his eyebrows.

Sephiroth nodded solemnly.

„Ok then, let's get it on with this! To the chopper now, the clock is ticking! We gotta get back to Midgar as soon as we possibly can!"

They all rushed outside the reactor, Angeal and Genesis stretching their wings.

„C'mon Seph," Genesis urged, „get out that wing of yours too, we ain't got time to lose!"

„I DON'T HAVE a wing!", Sephiroth shouted, rushing down the mountain on foot.

„Yes you do! Just wish it out, it's a Yuletide wish, you will get it right away! C'mon pal!"

They watched him unconsciously clenching his fists and shutting his eyes tightly, then a large shiny black wing placed on the right, like Angeal's own wings, emerged from his back.

All three rose in the air together, Angeal carrying the still unconscious puppy thrown over his wingless shoulder.

„Um, guys? You think we should tell him what's it all about if he wakes up before everything's set?", he asked.

They watched each other, then burst into laughter and exclaimed all together:

„NAH! It's classified!"

„Besides," Sephiroth added, „I don't think he's old enough to find out who Ole Father Yule is for real. So let the kid sleep!"

They rose even more, up where the North Snow Star could be seen in all its glory.

„IT'S YULETIDE EVE!", Genesis roared triumphantly, stretching his hands as if he wanted to hug the whole sky. „IT'S OUR TURN NOW, LET'S ROCK THIS WORLD TOGETHER, MY BROTHERS!"

Snowflakes swirled around the three sillhouettes that swooshed through the air, like the three spirits of Yuletide, leaving behind a luminous trace, the color of the purest Lifestream.

**EPILOGUE SET 2 – INDEPENDENCE DAY**

Midgar was menacingly dark. Midgar knew nothing of holidays, of light and parties, of joy and fun and easy life, not even up the Plate. Yuletide had never brushed the city, at least from afar, and its spirits were unknown around there.

That evening the city looked even darker seemingly and more threatening than usually. Black sillhouettes crawled along the streets, throwing furtive glances around and melting into the shadows before anyone could notice them.

A revolution was prepared. Whoever could have watched the preparations thoroughly and closely, would have noticed miles of cables crawling everywhere around, packs of sticks that looked like plain dynamite stuck in some points, lights blinking like alarm signals from time to time, hastily switched off, some cylinders resembling rockets showing up here and there, glittering chains stretching above the streets, from which some thingies hung, strikingly resembling snowflakes but surely having to be something dangerous in fact!

And, as there were only a couple of minutes left to midnight, a large chopper bearing, surprisingly, the ShinRa logo on it – but with all kinds of brightly-colored dots and strips scribbled in all directions on its usually bleak and dull shape – started to descend towards the little square in front of ShinRa HQ's main entrance, having a huge conical object, draped in an opaque fabric, suspended under it with a cable. Messages were exchanged through the radio and phones:

„Home team's ready! Steady now, just a few inches more! There, we got it! Detach the cover, boys!

„Yo, boss! Done here!"

„Rude?"

„Clear to lift it now!"

„Cissnei? Got your white outfit? And the star? Wings too?"

„Yes, boss, got them all!", the girl's voice seemed to waver for some reason. As if emotion was almost choking her...

The huge dark fabric cover was lifted, leaving behind a cone that seemed to wave slightly on the crispy night breeze.

Up in a balcony, above the cone's top, three silhouettes bent to watch, then gave the last directions through their phones:

„Everyone's ready? Got them all invited?"

They looked around and every window in sight, lighted or not, was crowded with people waiting to see a Yuletide miracle.

„Ok then, ten seconds to midnight, starting from... NOW!"

„TEN!", Genesis shouted raising his mako-enhanced voice to the intensity of almost a thunder.

NINE!", Sephiroth followed.

„EIGHT!", came Angeal, shaking Zack's shoulder. „C'mon, puppy, wake up now! It's time!"

„SEVEN!", shouted the Turks all as one.

A few lights were switched on at the upper storeys where ShinRa's elite lived, one round shadow showing up eventually in the President's very own balcony.

All eyes went up and a moment of silence stretched, then the defying voice of the red-haired Father Yule of the year could be heard loud and clear:

„SIX!", echoed by the whole square. And from that moment on, no one remained silent anymore.

„FIVE!" – and all the lights, as far as they could see in the city, garlands of colored little lightbulbs, wreaths and figurines, went on, turning the gloomy Midgar into an enchanted realm.

„FOUR! – a cannonade of Yuletide crackers and rattlers went off with deafening sounds, saluted with cheers by the assistance.

„THREE!" – colored sparkling lines went alight on the ShinRa HQ's dull shape, making it look like a magic dungeon from a story for children.

„TWO!" – large sacks full of boxes wrapped in brightly-colored paper and tied with the traditional red-and-green bows were dragged all around the huge cone, ready to be given to all the people.

„ONE!" – Genesis Rhapsodos, SOLDIER 1st Class, M.I.A. and returned in glory, shot the President.

Right in the heart.

With a full load of magic glittering confetti.

ShinRa's clock, placed in the highest tower, marked the end of the Yuletide's Eve and the beginning of Midgar's first fully celebrated Yuletide ever.

At the last bang the sky filled up with endless fountains of rainbow-colored fireworks and the huge cone finally lighted up, proving to be the most beautiful fir-tree everyone could ever remember seeing. An angel with a white long dress seemingly made of moonlight beams and with a large pair of shiny pristine wings fluttering on the back, floated eerily over the magically illuminated tree, followed by everyone's mesmerized gazes, and placed a bright star on its top. When cheers erupted from thousands of chests, the beautiful angel, strikingly resembling a girl named Cissnei who once had dreamed to have wings, opened the arms and rose her voice, tears falling from her eyes:

„MERRY YULETIDE! And may Goddess bless you everyone!"

**NOW THE EPILOGUE OF THE EPILOGUE, MEH...**

„Hmmm," Genesis mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, „I may as well set an ecologist organization to re-afforest the Nibelheim mountains and all the other areas that ended up deserted because of the mako reactors. Whaddya say, guys? I could call it... hmmmm, let's see... Oh, I know! How about ‚World Regenesis Organisation'?"

Angeal rolled his eyes.

„Your name just HAD to be in it, huh?"

Genesis blinked a few times with a pristine face, full of innocence:

„And why the heck wouldn't it be? You know that Reeve guy from the Urban Department? He's a nice fellow, I could ask him to be the Executive President of this. ‚World Regenesis Organisation'. WRO. We could do so many things... Wow!..."

Down in the streets the gift boxes were handed to everyone and the wrapping paper torn by eager people with beaming faces, while up in their balcony, a dazzled spiky-haired boy with puppy eyes and three friends – one of them all dressed in red and wearing a funny hat with a tassel over his silver dyed hair and a huge white beard, already hanging loosely under one of his ears – unwrapped their gifts as well, enthusiastically.

„Ooooh," Sephiroth watched the content of the box in awe. Even he hadn't known. No one had in fact, except for the red Father of the Yule.

„So you did it. You finally did it! You know something? You really ARE the true Father Yule!", Sephiroth exclaimed, hugging his friend.

Then he took out from his box the most amazing apple pie, covered by a golden crust, perfectly baked and letting out a wave of heavenly scent.

The long lost ancient Loveless recipe, finally found again.

**

* * *

A/N: "Th-th-th-tttth-that's all, folks!" – Porky Pig dixit (Loony Tunes ending credits unfold)**

**Oh boy, I'm such a murderer! I think I may never be able to look at Crisis Core the same way again after this... o_O**


End file.
